The Palmist's Predictions

We have an office mate who has the gift of palmistry. His name is Ram. Some of our office mates began asking him to read their palms and make predictions about their love lives and career paths. So who I joined in the line! OK. So he asked me to open my palms before him. Then it took about 2-3 minutes before he was done reading my palms.

Here is his predictions about my love life:

• you are not lucky with your love life (This means that I will be single for life! This means that I am not meant for someone, true love is nonexistent for me!)
  
• you will find a partner, not true love, outside of our province; outside of the country is a possibility (Yeah, I asked him if this will be for long, but he said that it will be the best for me. Pity me!)
  
• when it comes to love, you are all out on it, you love too much (Which was very true, that is why my boyfriends took advantage of me and my weakness.)
  
• you still has an unfinished business with your last relationship
  
• you haven't moved on from your last relationship
• you still wanted to come back to him

With the last three bullets, those are still very true. I remember one time. I am with Mommy Holie, the most good friend of mine, walking our way from her rented room to the city, when we unexpectedly met him along the way. I immediately felt cold and nervous. My whole soul seems to tremble and that was not missed Mommy Holie. So I told her that that guy was my ex-boyfriend. And she understood. "You haven't really moved on yet. Your hands are trembling!"

And yes, I wanted him back, even if that means, being a mistress. But that I will never do. I will never stoop my level to a mistress. I am too good to be one. But unfortunately, as was predicted of me, I will never find a prince, because there was no one for me!

I as well asked him if will it be worth it coming back to him and he answered that, "It is not. Besides, it is not possible and you will be hurt again."

Career Life:

• I will have to struggle for years before I had a taste of real success. (That's unfair!)

At least this time there is real success. But one good thing that he told me is that, in a month his predictions might change depending on my aura. Well, I better shape up and feel my best always. I don't want to end up being a celibate the rest of my life!

Well, the least I can hope of is that palmists are wrong sometimes!

The Meeting

During the times that we are chatting, he knows that I am doubting him all those times still. Because like what I mentioned, there are a lot of posers here in the Philippines especially in the net, I don't immediately believe someone. Especially in our case when we just met each other on the net, without any idea of who we really are. They can't show their real faces because, let's say, theirs can't be tagged as fair enough. Harhar!

So what he will do to prove that he is not bluffing around, he will show his face in his web cam and tell me that if I want to I can let my office mates see his face. I am particularly close to Mother E., she is the Director of the NGO I am part of. So while we are chatting over YM, she is behind me looking at Y's face in the cam, and the usual, "He's so cute!", and at times read our conversations! So, that was some kind of a turn table for me, and I started to trust him in my own way.

OK. So I decided to finally meet him. Long before, we have plans already how we are going to meet, where I am staying and all those stuff. That happened in the 3rd month of our relationship. I really insisted that I am going to be out of the office for more than two days mainly because I am really meeting him, but I just gave the lame excuse that I am visiting my grandmother who happened to live in the same province where he lives.

The two hour ride in the van seems like forever. I am finally meeting my prince. Or so I think and hope. I sent him text messages hours before that I am on my way and that I will stop over the internet cafe which he looks over for his aunt. I was having a hard time looking for the net cafe because of the many establishments. I was kinda lost, that I went down almost at the end of the city already. And the most fortunate me out of pure instinct boarded down the van and realized I have found it accidentally, because there it was right at the corner! So I sent him a message that I am here. About a minute later, here he went out. Oh! I did almost faint. He was exactly the person he said he was. He gave me his signature tap in the back of my head and that breathtaking smile of his, which causes his Chinese eyes to be smaller! We exchanged "How are you's". If only we can hug each other in public, but the whole city will see us and I don't want to ruin him because he has some kind of a reputation in his place. He led me inside the cafe. I was so shy, maybe more shy than Shiuji. So there we went and because of my shame, I decided to act like going there to access the internet.

That was so lame of me huh. But yeah, I sat down in one of the computers and opened my YM and we began chatting. lol! And to think that he's only inches away! Hahaha! That was really so funny! It took him almost an hour later to really entertain me because he was finishing something. Well, he led me to his aunt's house near the rail road because the original plan of me staying over his best friend's house did not materialize. I am only writing this down here, but I was really quite disappointed with the accommodation at first. Like it was not what I expected of him. I was picturing him as well-off but I realized later on that he is but acts like he's not or maybe some circumstances allow him not to be. In any way, I can't tell him that I do not like the place where I am staying or something like that. Especially that I promised him that I will not be choosy. So I just acted cool and later on learned how to love that simple place and the people inside them. I also met his sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles including his cousins, and of course his very kind best friend, D. I remember him treating me so well. I really can't recall what else happened that afternoon. I decided then to sleep there as well because we have planned that evening long before and have really wanted to discover each other. So came the long awaited night...

He Said His Name Is Yuen

June 12, 2006, the 108th year of the Philippine celebration of independence from the Spaniards after 333 years of colonization. I remember that we have a big mob in the city that day but I decided not to come. I have some paper works that could have been set aside for later, but decided to make it as an excuse so I can stay at the office and chat with the handsome Chinese guy I just met over the internet.

I am an activist, and I was very busy. My life then was dull. Dull in the sense that I do not experience or do the usual things and gimmicks that my age would usually do, like going out, meeting cute guys. Those were the days. But I enjoy my work. It was more of an advocacy. A pledge to fight for the helpless and the transgressed in any way, fighting for the majority (but the minority in one sense) member of the Philippine society - the workers, the poor, the youth, against the minority of people, from the government, the businessmen, the crocodiles of society as they say; the bourgeois.

When he came to bring life and love into my life.

I met him in one of the Networking sites famous here. Friendster. I was drawn to him at first because of his profile picture which is his lean and chiseled six packed abs, and his cute face, and the eyes. Ah.. I am really attracted to small and sparkling Chinese eyes. Mainly maybe because I have one myself. But mine are sharp, arrogant and unfriendly :-)...

So I added him in my friends' list and he gave me (or maybe I asked for it, can't remember) his YM ID. OK. So that same day, we chatted for the whole day. Yeah, from morning till evening. He was the most wise and full of sense guy I met till this day. We talked about anything, mainly he driving the conversation. I found out that his name is E. T. but he wants to be called Y. He christened me as S. C. S. He said that the meaning of that is "above gold heart". Something that really struck me and my unwary heart. From that day on, I told myself that if given the chance, I will be his hubby. But I am a discreet gay and very reserved. I can't go out there in the streets and act gay. People will not listen to me and moreover, might degrade me for my sexuality. So that came into my system so we chatted for a whole month. He just saw me in my pictures. I on the other hand can see him through his webcam. He did that because I once told him that maybe he's just one of those posers in the net.

OK, so he's real and he's cute and so damn sexy. I found out that he is open to gay relationship, though he categorizes himself as bisexual. He lives two hours by bus from us in the next province. He took up psychology and oriental medicine. He is a wushu black belt, 5th Dan. He is learned in acupressure and tai chi. His level of thinking is very logical and when he utter words, you can't negate. He is almost a perfect being. He only saw me through webcam after a month of us chatting almost everyday, and for long hours as well. We continued as such without the formal word that one is courting the other. I just opened my YM one day and he started calling me "baby". So after about a month and a half, I asked him of what's the real score between us two. And his answer was, "You're my baby and I am your baby."

"So you're my hubby now?" I asked. "Yes." He replied. So after 4 months, I have a hubby again.

We started then planning to meet. The original plan is that I will be the one to go to his place, I would stay in his friend's place and he will introduce me as a cousin. I looked Chinese anyway :-). Well, he's discreet as well as he's a bisexual and the people back in his place didn't know that he's having same sex relationship. We had those plans realized after 3 months. Mainly because I was too busy in those 3 months. Going from one province to another. He knows the nature of my work, but I emphasized to him that it is an advocacy and he respected that and we never talked about that when we're together later on. Only at times though :-). We still chatted for almost everyday, but there are times that I don't even have the time.

And during those times that we were not able to chat, sometimes after 3 days, I would feel so down, without fuel to do the things that need to be worked out for the week. I felt so heavy inside to the point that I would give way to tears. I would then tell Yuen once we had the chance. And in fairness with him, he would console me.

"Let nothing bother you my baby, because I think of no one but you." He would say.

That will fuel me up for the next days. I felt so great a love for him. And so one day, after 3 months and just finished the International Youth Solidarity Mission we've organized along with the World Student Christian Movement, I decided to finally go to his place. Very nervous, doing this just twice in my whole life, like meeting another guy whom I have loved 3 months since... It was a turning point in my life.

Sorry! I Love You - Park Hyo Shin


Till my memory and thoughts come rushing down to my fingertips.