Many of us are actually hiding and wandering, behind and within our own mists. Sometimes, we just encounter them accidentally; sometimes people, things or events creates those mists; however, most of the times, we ourselves create those mists. There, we journey. There we find "whatever". There we got lost, hurt, kissed the earth, stood up, and continue our wandering, though with teary eyes. And it becomes our world. Vagabundo Observado Nebuloso.
I guess some people write only when they're sad, or inspired, or let's just say when lonely.
Am I? Which is why I am blogging now?
Ah! I've been gone too long indeed. But it's funny to start off with David Archuleta's video blogs. For some reason, he inspires me in amazing ways. Might be doing it regularly, but I'm not sorry. LOL.
Haven't figured out yet how to post it with the actual videos being shown and not just the link.
Akala natin makikilala natin ito kapag nakita natin ito. Minsan, hindi natin alam, natitisod na pala tayo hindi pa natin namamalayang tayo pala'y nagmamahal na.
Magigising ka na lamang isang araw, hindi kumpleto ang araw mo na hindi nakikita ang isang tao. Na kahit magsakripisyo ka ng oras, ng panahon kahit oras na lang na iyong itutulog, OK lang basta't makasama mo lang ang taong iyon. Hindi din ganap ang kasiyahang iyon hangga't hindi mo nauulinig ang malutong na tawa at maaninag ang maamong mukha ng iyong minamahal. At kung paminsan minsa'y ang pagdaop ng inyong mga palad.
Ang bawat sandaling kayo lamang dalawa ang magkasama ay panahong inuukit mo sa iyong memorya. Sinusuong kahit na ang imposible basta't makasama mo lamang siya kahit isang nakaw na gabi. Ang mga lugar na inyong napuntahan ay pilit na binabalik-balikan - sumasakay na mag-uli sa swing sa puno ng mangga, o nagpapalipas ng oras sa parehong bench kung saan kayo sumilong nang umulan nand di ninyo alintana.
Totoo, may mga bagay na masakit tanggapin subalit katotohanan, na minsan ang pagibig ay iisa ang daloy na dinadaluyan. Ang ilog ay bibihirang nagsasalubong. One way ika nga katulad ng mga busy streets. Masakit ngunit kailangang lunukin dahil iyon ang dapat. Bakit mo nga naman ipagsisiksikan ang sarili sa isang salok na puno na?
Sadyang ganyan nga ang buhay at ang buhay ay kailangang magpatuloy. Ang mahalaga, ikaw ay minsan sa iyong buhay ay nagmahal ng tunay. Ang pagibig ay ni minsa'y hindi lumayo, ang tao ang lumalayo sa pagibig. Kaya naman para makalimot, minsan ang paglayo ay dapat at matuwid.
Sabi nga, what matters most is that we love at all. And that love will remain engraven in my heart. Even though we part, as parting is the only way to heal the open wounds that only my heart has, those memories will make the wounds bleed fresh and make me remember once more that sometime, somewhere there was someone to whom this heart has deeply cared for. Wo ai ni. Yo amor usted.
The Philippines was declared as one of the unsafest place for Journalists since the dawn of Marcos's Martial Law in 1986. The Arroyo government was worse - journalists' blood colors the waters around Malacañang Palace bloody red. The last most inhumane treatment of Journalists was still unsolved as of Press time, referring to the Maguindanao Massacre done in cold blood by the Ampatuans - fed by the bloody hands of Malacañang.
Then the past few days, another alarming case reached my interest through one of the wall posts from Rep. Liza Maza of Gabriela Women's Party-list:Maza raises questions on libel case filed against blogger. The blogger was named Ella who allegedly "exposed and criticized the DSWD’s alleged inability to deliver relief goods to typhoon victims and hoarding of relief items in its warehouses on October 21, 2009 at the height of relief operations for victims of tropical storm Ondoy," quoting Maza's statement on her website.
This fact is alarming. I have been a blogger for quite sometime now and oftentimes speaking my rage, sentiment, opinion on different issues that confront me as a citizen imbued with the right to freedom of speech and expression. To blog and speak against an entity - person or organization, who is known to the public as not different from what you are saying is now a ticket for you to stand before a judge and a court? Well, I don't think Ella is alone in her sentiments, isn't she? It is not only DSWD for chrissake.
Filipinos were never dumb Secretary Cabral. so don't make us one. Rep. Maza was correct - show us the facts and we will decide. But is it worth questioning is the question.
Now, with the new law that they are trying to pass in Congress - the CyberCrime Act, would things be worse than this?
Will there be no more safer haven for even us bloggers?
I have blogged about this new journey of mine a couple of weeks ago. It's about my kept love and admiration for someone, an office mate of mine. I have mentioned that I am burying my feelings for him on that blog. But apparently, R will remain in me, till now. We have a casual relationship. We are not boyfriends, we never talk about being one. We joked about it though, coz like what I said, he's the boy next door type and all gays, bisexuals, and girls alike have a feeling of crush for him. So I really showed to them that I was the first to notice him. So somehow, the "owner" of him. Crazy me, huh? Lol. So in the office, when they say R, they also mean me. So no one dared go near him if I am present. No joke. Lol. And R's not offended by it, and he seems enjoying the attention given him. Which I would kid him saying "Hey, don't be flattered!" or "Don't let it go to your head, you fool." And he'll just coo around. Hehehe. But like what I revealed then, he is committed and have a GF. That's why I guarded my feelings as well because of that.
Then something which I did became the turning point of this good relationship, or so I thought. (It's not what you're thinking!)
OK, here's what happened.
Their team had a team breakfast at one of the hotels here in Naga City. So their Supervisor, Niña, showed me pictures and told me stories like they had breakfast there. So that night before going to the office, I dialed his number, which he accidentally answered. I ended it of course worried that his girl might be beside or near him. Then he sent me a text message.
R: Why did you call?
I: I did not call you. That was supposed to be a missed call. Hey, you did something again while I was away from the office huh.
R: Huh? What was it?
I: Moraville huh. (That was the name of the hotel where they had their team breakfast.)
R: What about Moraville?
Holy cow! That's when I realized and became suspicious that it could be his girl who was texting me all along. So I immediately and casually replied:
I: Nothing! I was just kidding. You have a shift tonight? What time are you going to the office?
Then there was no reply for like 5-7 minutes. Then the next replies sent my head reeling to the ceiling!
R: (This time the real him.) Shit man! Al, you explain what you've texted! V (the GF's initials) was so angry with me again. Will you please stop it? Stop texting me, OK?! Please?!
I wasn't able to reply to his message immediately. I was lost for words. My heart's thumping inside my chest. And I was looking after my Uncle's internet cafe. He texted me again.
R: Shit man. You explain your text message. Please?
I: Sorry, I went out. (A lame excuse.)
A couple of minutes later:
I: I said I was just kidding if you will read my text message. Tell your girl to stop jumping into childish conclusions. (I did not say sorry or betrayed myself that I was.)
No more reply.
What a night! immediately I contacted Mommy Holie, my best friend, mother, name it. I told her what happened. And she made me feel worse for telling me before my face the truth I dared not accept: That I was the culprit and I messed up and I was wrong.
R and I were to see each other later that night at the office. So I intentionally arrived just a few minutes before the shuttle arrival at the plaza to take us to the site. He was already there when I arrived. I sat down on the other end of the bench with a palm tree hiding me from his view and him to me. I dared not to show myself to him! I was so ashamed and so damned guilty. I was playing it over my mind the whole time what his reaction might be. Will he punch me? I don't think so, I know he can't punch me :-). So when the shuttle arrived, I realized it was inevitable for us to not to see each other. So I walked behind him. He sat at the back and I sat beside him. Well, the moment he realized I was the one beside him, we were laughing and giggling I believed is the more appropriate term. Yeah, no angry eyes, no mean words. The only thing I was able to say was, "I am sorry..." Then I explained myself. That I told his girl that I was just kidding. The problem was that he did not tell her girl about the team breakfast that they had at the Moraville hotel. So when her girl read my text, she immediately thought of him doing something with somebody at the hotel. Well he has a long history of infidelity and was caught red handed before so no wonder that her girl will immediately think of something else. I can't blame her I realized.
R: I have hung the paper already and it was almost dry. Then here you came and poured a pail of water over it.
I: Sorry... OK, so I will not text you anymore. It's your fault as well. If you are a good BF, you know.
R: I am a good BF now. I am trying already. You can as well see that, right? (He is really trying.)
I: Right. What if I send her a text message and explain what happened?
R: Well, never mind. That girl will not listen anyway. But you can try. (Which I never did.)
And we continued our conversation and occasional laugh about what happened. He said he was spanked by his girl not just by the hand but by his cellphone. (I don't know if this is true but such a girl, right?!)
So from that time on, I was banned from texting him. Then a week ago, he asked me to write him his resignation letter which I did. (Can't say no to him. And yeah, you heard it right, he is resigning. As of date that I was writing this blog, he has resigned already from the company not because of what happened bit because he's enrolled and will continue his studies.) A couple of nights ago, he sent me a text message which I read in the morning already because I was asleep when he texted me:
R: Hey Al, you fool. Someone's playing over you. That was my GF's gay cousin. Don't tell that I told you. I read your text messages on their cellphone. Don't text me on my number about me telling you that. Just ride with their trips and pranks and again, don't text me in my number anymore because my GF's thinking of everything. Please.
That was it. And he asked Mommy Holie to text me with the same message. The end of another memorable journey. Ram, you're very right.
